Life, Love, Personal, Photography, Uncategorized

How Did I get Here? La Fin

Speed Racer has been in Norway this week, and I am embarrassed to say that I miss him.  I spend 24 hours a day with the man, you think I would want a break for a week.  But no, as soon as he left, I missed him.  Speed Racer and I started dating when I was 16 years old and he was 17 (all though we dated off and on, I might add).  The story of how we “officially” met has been told to many of our friends and family, and at our wedding.  But it’s a fantastic one so here it goes.

When I met Speed Racer I had just moved in the middle of high school.  I hated my new high school and town, everyone knew I was the new girl.  Speed Racer and I had Anatomy and Physiology together, and I sat at the end of the table we shared.  The teacher had lowered the lights for us to watch a movie and I took this as a prime opportunity to lay my head down and let the tears, that I had been holding in all morning, gently slide down my cheeks.  When I looked up, someone had placed a single blue M&M in front of me.  I turned and saw Speed Racer give a gentle wave and a killer smile.

I was ridiculously in love.  Head over heels, in love with this red headed, green eyed, car loving guy.  I think I may have mentioned to my Mom when I was 17 that I wanted to marry him.  She may have had a mini-heart attack but she survived.  But the fates had a different idea at the time.  Speed Racer and I broke up, then got back together, then broke up again.  At this point we were in college, and that last break up was a harsh one.  For the next year and a half or so, we dated other people (while living in the same dorm…can you say ouch?), but we kept trying to talk, and then our talks would turn into fights, but we couldn’t stop.  At times one of us would be sick, and the other would always show up to take care of the person.  We had countless emails, trips to the ER, long night walks, and longing hugs.  Each time we would hug, the longing I felt was unbearable.  It felt right.

The Spring of my Sophomore year, Speed Racer came to help me on an outdoor art project.  We stayed up late into the night working on it.  As we finished up we sat talking for awhile, and that’s when he declared his love for me.  I just stared.  This couldn’t be happening.  I had a boyfriend at the time, and due to Speed Racer and I’d lack of communication (communication is hard, we’re still working on it), I misunderstood what he was saying exactly…that he wanted this to be forever.  I told him that this was it, it wouldn’t work out…we couldn’t be together.

And I had never felt so alone.  I was devastated, this couldn’t be the way it was suppose to work out.

We were back home that summer.  It hadn’t worked out with said Boyfriend, and I longed to talk to Speed Racer, I just didn’t know how.

Throughout our relationship (whether together or apart) we had shared Pablo Neruda poems, one of my favorites being  “I do not love you except because I love you.” Late one night, Speed Racer posted a poem online about us.  I knew instantly is was about us, about our love, about how he imagined our little red headed children…and before I knew what I was doing, I sent him a message saying I loved the poem.  Then I quickly got offline…because I am a chicken.  My cell phone rang.  “Hello?” I said, trying to play it cool.  “So you like the poem, huh?” Speed Racer teased on the other line.  “I loved it, ” I smiled and my heart melted.

We had a date.  We went to a different town to get seafood and Speed Racer sneakily paid, so it was official.  On our way back we took the Parkway through the mountains and through an intense thunderstorm.  But as we headed to higher ground, we came out on top of the clouds…on top of the world.  We pulled over and sat for hours on the edge of an ocean of clouds, with small mountain top islands.  It was our own little heaven.  We talked and sat just barely touching.  And that is when I knew, that no matter what had happened or what would happen, we would be together forever, and I would love this man forever.

So that is how I got here, with the help of friends, family, and the man I love.  I would not have been able  to do it without Speed Racer there to support me, tease me out of crying, his ability to make me laugh, and undying love.  From here on out, it’s an adventure.  The adventure will still have it’s ups and downs, and it won’t be easy.  Perhaps in 50 years I can write an epic “How Did I get Here?” but until then I will have to take it day by day, and savor every moment.

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One thought on “How Did I get Here? La Fin

  1. I lost track of the “How Did I Get Here?” posts, though I love them, while I was at Camp. I think I’m still missing a few but this last one is of course the best. I loved the version told at your wedding and I love this one even more. And I love you guys. Every time I read your blog it makes me miss you both so much! Dangit!

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